Sbagliando s'impera

Ne La via lattea di Buñuel (uno dei miei film preferiti) c’è una scena che trovo esilarante, e che mi viene in mente ogni volta che qualcuno osa contraddirmi.
Ho trovato il testo della sceneggiatura soltanto in inglese. Abbiate pazienza. Quando avrò più tempo lo tradurrò (ma non contradditemi!)

(Scene shift. A Priest in a restaurant with a Cop who is holding a bottle of brandy.)
COP: Do you want some?
PRIEST: No, thanks. Quite honestly.
COP: And you’re from around here?
PRIEST: Yes, nearby.
[…]
COP: Anyway, getting back to our discussion, there’s nothing miraculous about the miracles of Christ. They’re commonplace occurrences.
PRIEST: Really?
COP: These days science can explain anything. Miracles are natural phenomena, like it or not.
PRIEST: Well, I find that more than ever before science agrees with the scriptures. That’s why the whole world is now Catholic.
COP: What do you mean, Catholic?
PRIEST: That’s right, the whole world.
COP: But what about the Moslems?
PRIEST: Come now, the Moslems are Catholic.
COP: What about the Jews?
PRIEST: Especially the Jews.
[…]
COP: In any case, Father, you’ll never convince me that the body of Christ can be contained in a piece of bread.
PRIEST: Be careful about what you’re saying. The body of Christ is not CONTAINED in the bread. In the sacrament of Communion, the host BECOMES the body of Christ. No matter what we say, transubstantiation does exist.
COP: I’d like to believe you. I’ll admit, I just don’t understand. It’s beyond me.
PRIEST: The host is the body of Christ. That’s it! Don’t believe it’s a mere representation, a symbol, as it were, of the body of our Lord. The Albigensians believed that. And, of course, so did the Calvinists, among others. And that is a serious mistake!
INNKEEPER: I always say that the body of Christ in the host is just like the rabbit in this pâté.
PRIEST: What?
INNKEEPER: I mean that it’s rabbit and at the same time it’s pâté.
PRIEST: You don’t understand! You speak like those 16th Century heretics that were called, as a matter of fact, Pate-liars! Don’t talk like that! You must take the words of Christ literally!
COP: Sorry, but it just doesn’t make any sense to me.
PRIEST: All the more reason to believe! Religion without mystery is no religion at all! In other words, any heresy that attacks a mystery can easily seduce ignorant and superficial people, but heresies will never be able to hide the truth.
OLD BUM: Father, I’d like to ask you, what happens to the body of Christ inside your stomach?
[…]
PRIEST: It suddenly occurred to me the Pate-liars were right. It’s a revelation! I FEEL that the body of Christ is in the host, like rabbit in that pâté. I’m absolutely sure of it!
COP: But you just said the opposite.
PRIEST: I said the opposite? Who, me?
COP: Yes, you.
(Priest throws a cup of coffee into Cop’s face. Innkeeper calls some men in white coats who arrive in a white ambulance)
[…]
(Two medics grab him.)
[…]
(Medic takes him outside.)
INNKEEPER: I never knew. He seemed so normal.
COP: Who is he? Is he really a priest?
MEDIC 2: Yes, he was the parish priest of Chevilly till last year. You probably contradicted him, right?
COP: Maybe.
MEDIC 2: I knew it.